Distance is Always A Caution

“Caution: Please Keep Your Distance”

You’ve probably seen that sign many times before.   It was made to keep yourself from being hurt.  I didn’t know how much I took that caution to heart.

For these past six years, I could easily count the friends I have made.  I could easily differentiate them from acquaintances who might be talking about me behind my back.  I think that it is one of the right moves I made when I entered college life.  It took me one semester to actually hang out with my classmates and some several months after that when I could find their jokes funny.  It wasn’t easy for me to blend in with new people as I have always known that I always talk without consideration for anyone’s feelings.  The people I was with were used to it because it was how I was honestly blunt.  College was different.  I had to face different people who may judge me differently than my other friends.

I have learned to keep words to myself, to keep laughter and shallow criticisms to myself.  I have let out fake laughs and funny thoughts were reduced to simple smiles, sneers and puffy cheeks.  It was deceiving at some point but it proved to be a catalyst to my emotional self.  I don’t know if I could handle myself if I knew that the people I consider my friends would talk behind my back and say mean things about you.  Being that kind of person and being cautious to people I barely know saved me from another yet emotional breakdown or worse, depression.

As I look back at the back-biting revelation to me just a few weeks back, I could feel no bitterness nor a vendetta against those people who have been saying oh-not-so-good things about me.  I have completely forgotten the disgust I felt for them for being obnoxious and self righteous people.  I pity them because they have made wrong friends.  Don’t they know about the Golden Rule?  Whatever happens to them are only results of their own actions.  I only hope that they still have friends like mine; friends who would stick to them like they were bound to me by the unbreakable vow.  The hurt I felt was just an initial surge but it gradually subsided.  It’s what I have prepared for.

I keep my distance because I want to be safe.  It may sound selfish but I am always willing to take the risk when it’s all worth the fall.