July Rain

I was on the verge of falling asleep with my blanket tossed somewhere on my bed to endure the unusual hot July.  My playlist was a mess, playing KPOP and some American music randomly.

When The Script’s We Cry started playing, I thought that it needed to rain.  I struggled to find a better position on my bed.  I am weird like that when I could have the whole bed for myself, I still found it hard to sleep.   It was the first day of July and I thought that it should really rain.  I don’t even get why that thought keeps pushing into my mind.  That’s when I moved all my pillows under my feet and felt one fell.   I didn’t bother to pick it up because there were three pillows left under my feet.

I was satisfied with my position and was starting to doze off but I still thought that it should rain because it’s the first day of July after all.  I didn’t notice that Britt Nicole’s Headphones was already playing until a soft tap on my roof caught my attention.  Everything seemed quiet except for Britt Nicole who was making wonders in my room with her voice and the soft taps on my roof and windows.

As  the soft taps became rhythmic, I somehow felt relieved and decided to pick up the fallen pillow at the foot of my bed.  I didn’t sleep for my drowsiness was apparently washed away by the soft rain.  I scanned my shelf for a good book to read but somehow I became contented as I sat on the edge of my bed, listening to country music blending to the rain’s rhythm.  I smiled to myself and thought how utterly blessed I have been.

I thanked God for the rain.  It gave me the simple joy and the time to reflect on my actions for the past months.  He has been very good to me.  Even my playlist seemed to come in sync with what I was feeling, switching songs just by Taylor Swift, Britt Nicole and Bethany Dillon.  “Feel good” has never been come alive before that moment.  Everything seemed just too perfect.

I am not saying that my life is perfect but I am very well satisfied with what I have.  God must really love me despite the weird relationship that we have.  I blunder most of the time but He still gives me chances and opportunities more than  I deserve.  He gave me trials and there have been many times I thought that I should just give up.  But He always gives me a way out of it.

I peeked through my window after the rain subsided.  I could smell the familiar scent of earth whenever you pullout the weeds in your garden.  The leaves were greener and everything seemed cleaner, free of dust.  I could hear the birds and see some on my windowsill.  I thought of scaring them off but backed out when the thought of immersing on the blessing of the new month won the latter thought.  This month, I will be a year older and I could only think of how grateful and blessed I am at the moment.  The rain was great way to start July.  It cleans all the negativity of the previous months.

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Distance is Always A Caution

“Caution: Please Keep Your Distance”

You’ve probably seen that sign many times before.   It was made to keep yourself from being hurt.  I didn’t know how much I took that caution to heart.

For these past six years, I could easily count the friends I have made.  I could easily differentiate them from acquaintances who might be talking about me behind my back.  I think that it is one of the right moves I made when I entered college life.  It took me one semester to actually hang out with my classmates and some several months after that when I could find their jokes funny.  It wasn’t easy for me to blend in with new people as I have always known that I always talk without consideration for anyone’s feelings.  The people I was with were used to it because it was how I was honestly blunt.  College was different.  I had to face different people who may judge me differently than my other friends.

I have learned to keep words to myself, to keep laughter and shallow criticisms to myself.  I have let out fake laughs and funny thoughts were reduced to simple smiles, sneers and puffy cheeks.  It was deceiving at some point but it proved to be a catalyst to my emotional self.  I don’t know if I could handle myself if I knew that the people I consider my friends would talk behind my back and say mean things about you.  Being that kind of person and being cautious to people I barely know saved me from another yet emotional breakdown or worse, depression.

As I look back at the back-biting revelation to me just a few weeks back, I could feel no bitterness nor a vendetta against those people who have been saying oh-not-so-good things about me.  I have completely forgotten the disgust I felt for them for being obnoxious and self righteous people.  I pity them because they have made wrong friends.  Don’t they know about the Golden Rule?  Whatever happens to them are only results of their own actions.  I only hope that they still have friends like mine; friends who would stick to them like they were bound to me by the unbreakable vow.  The hurt I felt was just an initial surge but it gradually subsided.  It’s what I have prepared for.

I keep my distance because I want to be safe.  It may sound selfish but I am always willing to take the risk when it’s all worth the fall.

Welcome To My Blog

Hello everyone!  This is an introductory entry for my official blogsite.

Some of you may know me as RedFlamer37 from AFF.  Sharing this blog to my readers means I am open to reveal my identity which took an ounce of time for me to think about.  I considered my privacy issues while thinking about it.  Then I told to myself that, yeah, I am not really big in AFF so why hesitate?  I am actually bigger in person though, literally.

You’ll get to read my thoughts on almost every random things I’d decide to write on.  But I think it’d be mostly about KPOP and anything I’d stumble onto.

For my AFF readers:

One of the reasons is also to make this blog an official update site for my stories.  I will still publish my works on AFF but I will post my progress of my stories here.  I will finally let you on in what my wild imagination is running through.  I will also post my previews and teasers here instead of giving it in some of the chapters.  It would be a tad tiresome to paste every preview or teaser on each stories.  You could also post your ideas, suggestions and comments here for everything.  And I am finally open to requests!  You know that I am a bit slow in updating so please bear with me.

I am so excited to hear from you guys!  You’ll have a glimpse of what I am really like and please don’t think bad about me, I am just crazy me.  Feel free to flood the comment box, I’d gladly read them all.

For my friends:

Ha!  I have finally put up a blog that I am willing to share.  What do you think?  I am thinking of moving some of the entries in my previous blogs here, specifically the entertaining ones.  You are free to say whatever you want.   Why don’t you congratulate me for stepping out of my cave?  ❤

For the lurkers and to you:

Enjoy!